From the Iraqi Newswire of Poor Propaganda

The Iraqi Minister of Information Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf was gracious enough to update us on the recent activity of the coalition troops and give us information on the military's movement. According to the Minister's latest comments, the coalition forces had just recently reached the city of Oslo (Norway) and is still quite some distance from the country of Iraq. He went on to say with any luck and the wind at their backs, they might reach the borders of Iraq sometime in late August. At which time, the Minister declares, "Iraq will be ready."

The press conference that the Information Minister held was outdoors to prove that the capital city of Baghdad was quite safe. When questioned about the Minster's mysterious tick which resembled a ducking motion following a series of loud booms that could be heard throughout the city, the Minister explained, "It's a medical condition that I contracted since the start of the war-uh since late March and should probably see a doctor about it... that is if I can find one. And the sounds you hear are simply our troops running a weapon synchronization exercise so that we may be ready by the time the silly Americans reach the middle east sometime in the fall." The Minister then declared in the midst of another tick, "We will be victorious!"