Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Sugar Daddy

I'm walking around with a $7000 check today. Let me repeat that. I am walking around in the public all day today with a check in my possession written for seven thousand dollars!

It's a balance transfer check from one credit card that will be sent to another. What's funny is the check comes from and is about to go to the same CC company (not the same card, different cards but same bank). Under normal balance transfer procedures, one is not allowed to transfer a balance from one card to another both owned by the same bank. So I called and requested a check instead of submitting a balance transfer request. The check needed to be under the same terms as a balance transfer rate and they agreed and sent it. So now I just deposit the $7000 in my checking account today and write a check to the company that just sent me the check.

I also think it's interesting I'm walking around with a check written for $7000. To carry it with me to work, I stuffed it in an issue of Forbes and brought the magazine to work with the seven grand bookmark. I have to leave it here on my desk until I can get to the bank and make the deposit. For some reason I'm not concerned about losing it. Why is that? This is by far the largest amount of money I've had in my possession.

DJI 9747, SP5 1052 NASDAQ 1947

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Important DVD Release Today

A very important DVD is coming out today. Something my wife and I have been waiting on for a long time and we can't wait to pick it up. That's right. It's finally here. The Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVD has been released to the public so we can all share in the laughter that is Master Shake Zula, Frylock and Meatwad.

Just the other day, that silly Shake stole Carl's (the ATHF's landlord) car and used it in demolition derby. He returned it totaled and understandably Carl went ape. He confronted Shake who was wearing a crash helmet at the time but Shake denied everything. Since the car was completely unusable, Carl decided to donate the heap of junk to the Need A Kidney Foundation.

The tow truck came and got it, dragged it ten feet to the ATHF's house and dropped it off donating it to one of the Foundation's candidates Meatwad. Meatwad was so excited to get a new (but useless) car and reasons it's what he deserves since the foundation won't give him any kidneys even though he's been on the list for months. Frylock informed Meatwad that being a hamburger patty he did not need kidneys - but it fell on deaf ears.

So Meatwad gets the wrecked car and won't leave its side. All night and all day he sits in the driver's seat pretending to drive and yelling at other imaginary drivers. Shake gets jealous that Meatwad is spending so much time in the scrap metal and confronts him dressed a state trooper "pulling him over" after running an imaginary stop light. Officer Shake informs Meatwad that he believes him to be intoxicated and requires him to walk a straight line into a manhole, jump in and recite the alphabet backwards. Meatwad happily complies.

Shake then runs out and picks up a huge NASA-style rocket and attaches it to the back of Meatwad's wrecked car. He flips the engine on which accidentally inhales Carl's replacement rental car which was a tiny hatchback, shredding it to nothing. Carl runs out and begins yelling about his second destroyed car is as many days. Shake pours on the lies again which becomes too much for Carl and his own head explodes in a tiny fireball.

Meatwad runs up and asks, "Why did he do that?"

Shake replies, "Why wouldn't he?"

Something called Lord of the Rings: Two Towers, Special Extended Edition comes out today too but I don't think anyone will notice.

Monday, November 17, 2003

Happy Birthday

Happy 53rd Mama Lock.

DJI 9720, SP5 1045 NASDAQ 1918

Friday, November 14, 2003

I wouldn't see this movie if it was playing in my glasses.
-- Jimmy Pardo

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Recoverying alcoholics drink O'Doule's. I don't understand that. You never hear of a pedophile with a midget in a cub scout outfit.
-- Emo Philips

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Baghdad Brother Back On R&R

Just got a phone call from my brother, the army medic stationed in Baghdad. He's back in the States for a couple of weeks on R&R. He was in very high spirits considering his work enviornment. He talked about his schedule and when he goes back like it's a trip to the store. No sadness that I could detect. We talked about the horrific Chinook accident that happened a week ago that killed 20 of the soldiers onboard. He was telling me the pilot probably would've survived the crash had the bone in his arm not penetrated his skull. Medics. Human vunerability is always cool to them.

He's going to surprise my parents after he, his wife and daughter fly down to Florida for a visit. He's just setting them up for a potential heart attack when they see him. But I suppose he'd think that was pretty cool.

Monday, November 10, 2003

Cat Out Of The Money Bag

Well the word is out. The economy appears to rebounding in a huge way and everyone knows about it. I didn't think the secret would last long. Now we'll see what happens to the market prices as a result. I enjoyed the ride from March. My retirement and stocks are sitting pretty.

DJI 9768, SP5 1048 NASDAQ 1951

Friday, November 07, 2003

Your cholesterol count isn't supposed to have a comma in it.
-- Mike Armstrong

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Colonel Sanders Says Don't Try This At Home

There's this television commercial for KFC where a group of kids is dropping chicken poppers, little chunks of breaded chicken, from a rooftop. Then there's this other kid, who I think I can assume is an acquaintance of the small social gathering amassed on the roof above him, and he's on the ground successfully catching the poppers in his mouth. Everyone's laughing and smiling, having a good time dropping pieces of fried poultry a couple of stories into the mouth of kid who has his own circus act. Sounds like fun. But at one point during the commercial a disclaimer flashes up on the screen, "Do not try this."

Hey, KFC is telling me not to try this. And you know, I really had no inclination to do so. The thought never entered my mind. I mean, where am I going to find a group of friends willing to scale a building for me and drop pieces of food into my mouth. So initially, I thought that the disclaimer was unecessary. Who's actually going to do this? But now, as I think about the reason why KFC felt the need to show that disclaimer during the commercial, I started to feel like I was missing out on something. If there was a remote chance that someone was actually willing to try this stunt until the disclaimer in the TV commercial stopped them dead in their tracks from planning this daredevil of a death defying act, then dang it, I want to try this!

So the irony is I originally had no interest in risking my life trying this stunt until the tv commercial told me I couldn't. And now I want to play rooftop russian roulette with KFC chicken poppers.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Jesse Ventura is basically proof that the people of Minnesota are not social drinkers - they’re obviously alcoholics. And what Jesse Ventura proves and what’s great about democracy is that anyone can be elected to any office. What Jesse Ventura proves what stinks about democracy is that anyone can be elected to any office. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great. He should have that opportunity. But HE WAS A WRESTLER! And before you’re the governor, I think you should have to do something in between - like referee.
-- Lewis Black

Tuesday, November 04, 2003


I've been able to remember two of my dreams in the past two days. That's tough to do. It's hard enough to remember one. The night before last, I had a dream that a closet was haunted. I would look in the door and wooden planks were constructed in the middle of it forming some sort of cluster of wooden strips. I would kick the strips, breaking it but it would heal itself and return to the original position. I tried tearing the whole thing down, but it would quickly reconstruct itself. There was a Mexican restaurant counter not far from the closet for some reason. I walked up to it and explained in fluent Spanish that the closet was haunted and that they should watch out.

My dream last night involved me creeping through a dark house looking for snakes. So both dreams involved me being in a house I was fearful to be in. I was looking for these snakes, I turned the corner and saw a carpet rolled up with a bulge I could clearly see inside of it. I suspected it to be a snake rolled up in the carpet so using my foot I rolled it to the back door and outside. The snake got out, which turned out to be a King Cobra but it struck my cat who was standing at my feet putting a big gash in her side. I closed the door, picked up the cat to examine the wound which looked really bad. What are you supposed to do when someone has snake venom in them? It's probably an urban legend but I tried to suck the poison out of my cat's side. The wound was huge too. I ran her to the hospital where I was turned away because I tried to admit a cat. Feeling the pressure of time and realizing I was an idiot for taking her to a human hospital, I drove to the closest vet. The vet checked her over and laughed. He made fun of me for thinking human ailments would apply to cats and explained to me that snake venom has no effect on cats.

DJI 9858, SP5 1059 NASDAQ 1967