Thursday, December 16, 2004

Diaries Of A Newborn's Father

Diaries Of A Newborn's Father

I'm not there yet, but in a month and a half I will be. I was given a head's up by a friend who is there now. This was his experience that he felt should be shared with me in some sort of destructive, intimidating, scare your pants off sort of preparation I guess.

A baby will definitely test your patience. It will amaze you how frustrated you'll get when they have been fed, burped, changed, and for some unknown reason are still crying their head off.

I consider myself to not have much patience....and I know I've been pushed to feeling crazy to the point where I go to [Mom] and plead for her to take over, just for a bit until I get back to sanity.

You find yourself mock crying with the baby, knowing you are an idiot because they are nowhere near comprehending what is going on..they can't help it....but you do it anyway when you get into frustration land.

Not that it excuses it at all, but I've seen the path that people take when they abuse babies...I'd never allow myself to walk it of course.....but I have seen from a distance the blocks you from ever going there...but people who can't love or don't care....I know where they have allowed themselves to go

And this is with a non-colicky baby. I COULDN"T IMAGINE HAVING A BABY WITH COLIC!


No no no.

Can't imagine that.

Anyway, we put him to bed in his crib....have the baby monitor thing going and we lay down for sleep, listening to his breathing through the little baby monitor. Over time you get used to a hiccup not being an emergency. or a cough or a sneeze not being reason enough to bolt out of the room and rush to his aid...

Over time.

They say eventually you'll (or you're supposed to anyway) get to where if you know they don't have a good reason to cry (food/diaper/burp) then you'll let them cry

I can't even fathom that stage yet though.

Oh I start that stage, feeling confident, then the cry continues...

30 seconds go by.... I'm standing strong.

60 seconds....worried look upon my face, but still not moving.

120 seconds....straining now, the cries have got louder...surely he'll stop when I don't come.

180 seconds....shit, he's still crying....obviously something must be wrong right?

182 seconds...oh fuck it....something's wrong, Daddy's on his way!

It's pathetic, but repetitive

The positive side....

There are many, but one in particular blows away all the negative that you stop counting the positives. When you first are able to make them laugh.

It won't be something you'll be able to repeat regularly, probably; but I was able to make him laugh three times in a row with pauses in between to confirm it was me doing it. Fourth time wouldn't come but those three were so amazing. He looked into my eyes and giggled that whole body giggle that babies do, because there is so little of them; easily melted away any concern or previously thought "important" thing that was on my mind.