Thursday, January 22, 2004

L-I-M-P Is Not S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T

Since I'm on the topic, let's discuss another man so deep in the closet he's hit drywall. A man who is trying desperately to tell the world he is gay but no one is listening (except me). Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst.

* Read my headline, interpret it literally.

* Pretends to gay bash. We all know what latent feelings homophobia truly represents.

* Claims to have dated two of pop's attractive ladies Christina Aguilerra and Britney Spears, both deny anything happened. Supposedly had a fling with Halle Berry too. Sure you did Fred. Try to make it believable when you lie. Say Missy Elliot or Wayne Newton.

* His lyrics constantly complain about relationships with women. I wonder if he's speaking from experience?

* The song that put him on the map, a cover of George Michael's Faith. You remember George Michael.

* Title of his first album Three Dollar Bill, Yall as in "Queer as a..."

* Title of his second album Significant Other. Note: Not girlfriend, not boyfriend. Could have just as easily have been Life Partner.

* Title of his third album Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. Think about what a chocolate starfish is especially when used in the same phrase as a HOT DOG! If you don't know what a hot dog represents, well, I'm not sure how you made it this far in life.

* I can think of only two other Freds in rock and roll. Queen's Freddy Mercury and B52's Fred Schneider. Enough said.