Deere John

I got a gift in the mail today that I'm excited about. Since I purchased a John Deere riding lawn mower last month for my 1/4 acre yard, they're going to send me a FREE HAT! FREE HAT! FREE HAT!

So I'm getting my free John Deere hat in four to six weeks. How cool is that?

Dream Journal

I had a dream last night that I wore a suit that would make me invisible. I needed the helmet to make my head disappear. I'm not sure what I was using the suit for, I think for the forces of good but I can't remember. Seems like an easy thing to abuse.

I do remember saving someone from a storm or earthquake or something natural disaster related. She was out in the middle of a storm's path, I picked her up, threw her over my shoulder and was looking for a safe spot. There was a K-mart and a Firestone building on the block as I tried to decide which one to enter. I was about to choose the K-mart, but something changed my mind; something I remembered about the store which I can't think of right now that made me choose the other store. I delivered the woman to safety in the Firestone store. Can you imagine a completely invisible person carrying a woman slung over the shoulder? What that would look like? And why did I need the invisible suit to do that?

After delivering the woman to safety, I found my 16 month old daughter in the shop of the Firestone store changing a car's oil! The staff seemed surprised a baby could do that. For some reason I wasn't but I was very proud. She still can't talk but she can change a car's oil.

That's all I can remember.

Sunned Out

Quick post. Had a good (and hot) time at the Lock In Laws today. We get together almost every holiday. Ribs and burgers grilled out. Didn't do many sports activities today. I think it was in the 90s. Felt like it anyway. No one wanted to move.

I got to use my new HD camera today. Filmed Baby Lock and Mrs. Lock's relatives. I'm getting ready to download the movies and see how they look. I bet I shot half a Gb. Hope I have the hard drive space for it.

Gmail Size Hits the Century Mark

I held it off as long as I could but my Gmail email account currently has 100 Mb of saved emails. That's after I cleaned out the Spam folder which usually knocks off 4-5 Mb (sad). I remember when Gmail first got started, Yahoo email only allowed 5 to 6 Mb, but they didn't archive every message either. Now, of course, to compete they allow 100 Mb. It might be 200 Mb by now, which I would be filling up if that were my primary account. So here I sit, praising google in a Google blog service. Kinda implicates me, doesn't it?

I got the Gmail account in April 2004, so after a couple of years use, 100 Mb. I did receive some good size attachments over those years which I usually deleted. Some things I kept but most got trashed to save space. They were usually pictures of other people's kids or flash programs or joke images which I have no interest in going back to visit.

My first Gmail email was to Mrs. Lock. It read: "Hey baby. Check out my new email."

Watson, come quick, I need you.

Unaposter

Five days left on my commitment to post every day in May. I've missed a few days but have made them up on others. There should be at least 31 posts by the end of the month. Maybe 32 but one of them was a quote that I didn't think counted.

Next time, maybe even next month, I'm going to try for everyday. I like my chances.

Farmer Killers

I saw a statistic that said more farmers than police are killed on the job each year. Perspectives rule our lives and most of us have it wrong. We think because we're told. Try and unlearn everything you were taught growing up. It's a good place to start. Then re-learn it for yourself. Question everything.

Why am I talking like Kurt Vonnegut?

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97: Wear sunscreen:

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't know.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

BTW, the speech was a hoax, but it bears having a reprint here because it's a great speech, whoever did it.

Ugli

Ugly people are shy. Fortunately for you, they're tied together. If you change one, it'll change both. You decide which one is easier.

Secrets

I owe the blog another entry. So here it is.

There was a time when my blog was pretty anonymous. It still is mostly. I don't use any real names or locations. But enough people who know me are aware of my blog's existence. It probably doesn't help that I linked it from my personal website at: ah ah ah. I'm not telling you. It's like trying to find out where Fez is from or where the Simpsons live.

Not so anonymous anymore so I can't tell you about my sexcapades with homeless people or that I haven't paid taxes ever (bring it IRS! The S stands for SUCK!) or that I kidnapped a clown and keep him stuffed in an abandoned well I have in my backyard. His paint is starting to run. Probably from all the crying... and from pissing himself. Do you know they put the paint all over? Fascinating. Whenever he gets too hoarse from shouting and starts using the horn, it always brings a smile to my face. Maybe one day I'll let him go. Or maybe I'll see how many of his colleagues I can jam into that well with him.

Another benny for remaining anonymous. If the Clown Antidefemation League (CAL) knew who to send letters to, I'm guessing I would've got a pretty nasty one from those bozos.

Pink Hair Thingies

So I'm posting late once again. It's hot. Probably the hottest day of the year so far. Mid 80's I believe. Right now though it's thunderstorming and trying to cool off. So inside the house it's sweltering, outside, it's wet and cool.

Today at work I was talking to a coworker. I pulled something out of my pants pocket because I didn't recognize the feel of what was in there. I pulled out two small baby rubber bands, very decorative and girly. My coworker jokingly asked me if they were mine. I remember how they got in there. The babysitter handed them to me saying they fell out Baby Lock's hair during the day. I stuffed them in my pocket and forgot about them.

Pulling pink rubber band thingies out of my pocket at work reminds me I am definitely a parent... and it's cool.

24: Day 5 Ends

Another season of 24 come and gone and I'd say it was their best season yet. Too bad we have to wait till 2007 to see new episodes!

I'm wondering though when the country gets into big trouble like it does on the show, Jack Bauer should be getting pretty confident that all will be well in exactly 24 hours from the start of the trouble. It takes him exactly that amount of time, no give or take an hour. It's to the minute for the crisis to be resolved. Talk about a goal oriented guy!