Weirdo Then, Weirdo Now
I found this little nugget of mine in the newsgroup archives. I wrote this piece over 12 years ago and to be honest I don't remember doing it. I was 19 at the time but I swear I wasn't on drugs.
Here it is in its unaltered form, typos and all.
Subject: The real Cola Wars. CWII
This is the only article in this thread <--Gee, I wonder why it didn't get any followups?
View: Original Format
Date: 1992-03-16 02:15:52 PST
It was a quiet, chilly evening. Resting outside on the neighbor's LP gas tank I stared blankly in the sky. I saw the brightest shooting star EVER! But it was no shooting star. This "star" landed beside me on the cool grass, illuminated buy the overhead moon hanging in the sky. This "star" was about the size of a bottlecap...WHOA it was a bottlecap. It had come to warn me about the Pepsi logo. The white-spaced wave going thru the red and blue Yin Yang, was really a one way aluminum mirror and that we are being reserved. Coke still had cocaine in it, Dr. Pepper doesn't really have a degree and the 7-up spot was a polymorphed Satan.
What was I supposed to think?
Anyway I woke up from this terrible nightmare, and those four cans were staring at me, right on my nightstand. With little time to think I grabbed the Dr. Pepper can, (I knew it was aluminum, the always are) and I are ripped it apart right in front of the other cola's Well naturally they backed off, being scared. The Doc was dead and no more Pepsi cans would be watching me. Rehab facilities were opened for Coke across the nation. And once again I saved the universe and everywhere behing the black holes from destruction. But what will it be next? What's in store for me in the future. The world may never.
Kirk: It looks like it's going trying to communicate with us, KILL IT!
Picard: It looks like it's going to kill us, let's communicate with it.
Guess what? I still have an affinity for this sort of drug-induced-but-not-really-on-drugs writing.